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with alcohol abuse, addiction, or alcoholism.
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"Life is a storm my young friend. You will bask in
the sunlight one moment...be shattered on the
rocks the next. What makes you who you are is
what you do when that storm comes.”
- Edmund Dantes (from The Count of Monte Cristo)
Success Stories
If you have a success story that you'd like to share on
this web site, please submit it. You can always remain
anonymous. These contributions are from various
people who have visited our web site and wish to share
their stories in order to help others.
A Story by a Daughter about her Father
My father will be fifty-eight this year. Several months
ago, my mother and father began arguing a lot. Finally,
one day, my mother confided to me that my father, the
man I had looked up to and had often told people was
the smartest person I know, was an alcoholic. It took
my mother threatening to leave him for him to finally
quit, after God knows how many years. But he's doing
it. He's like a whole new person now. He's happier, and
he's lost weight too. He never went to Al-Anon or
anything. He just stopped drinking. He made a choice,
and stuck to it. And now, he's my dad again.
A Reflection by a Man in his Early 30's
There has been too many times that I look back on my
life and regret the episodes I have had when I was
intoxicated. If I can influence any teenager to stop and
think before ruining your life with alcohol, I would,
because it sure did ruin mine.
Angela's Story
My story started when I was 12 years old and was out
with my sister and her friends. I used to hang out with
her because she was always being left to take care of
me. It was the night before my birthday and we were
over at her friend's house. I was at her friend's table
with an older friend of my sister's when he asked me
how old I was, and I told him my birthday was the next
day. Well, he brought out a bottle of whiskey and
grabbed a shot glass and told me that I couldn't go
anywhere until we were done with the bottle. I ended
up getting so drunk that night that I did some really
stupid and crazy things before passing out. When I
awoke the next morning, I had a big headache and I felt
like crap.
The funny thing was that that was the FIRST day of the
rest of my life...well, not really the rest of my life but for
the next few years. I started hanging out with my sister
more and more until I established a friendship with her
friends. My sister was 18 at the time, and I had just
turned 13 but wanted to be a part of the older crowd. I
ended up hanging out with these friends for the next
few years and would go to the bar with them and loved
to go hang out in the bars. I was never asked for ID
because I was with these people and the bartenders and
bouncers thought I was old enough.
By the time I was 15 years old, I was living in the bars
from the time that the bar opened at 11 a.m. until it
closed at 3 a.m. It didn't matter if I had money or not
because I knew how to get money (through sex or
playing pool for money), and I had no problems getting
money from somewhere. I also hung out with people
who didn't mind getting sexual favors from me and then
buying me drinks all night. By the time I turned 16
years old, I was so caught up in drinking that I soon
lived over the bar with a waitress who was one of my
best friends. I would wake up every morning reaching
for the bottle and would go to sleep or pass out with a
bottle in my hands. I went from being a straight A
student to a dropout by the time I got to high school.
I never looked at dropping out as anything but getting in
the way of my drinking and didn't care that I quit school.
I had no goals or inspirations to continue with school
because it was too hard for me to concentrate on school
when all I wanted was a drink. I had to have alcohol
surging through my system all 24 hours of the day, and
if I didn't, I would get really shaky and feel like my
insides were going to burst.
My life stayed on a continuous roller coaster ride of
getting drunk by early morning and staying drunk all
through the day until I passed out. I would wake up in
places that I didn't or couldn't remember how I got
there and often woke up with a stranger in bed with me.
I was a complete and total mess, I didn't have a life,
and I didn't care about anything but alcohol.
It wasn't until I found out that I was pregnant at 22
years old that I started thinking about trying to quit
drinking, at least until I gave birth. I was so messed up
for the first two weeks that I quit drinking that I went
through horrible days of vomiting, headaches, nausea,
and diarrhea or constipation. I wanted to die because
the chills, the shakes, and the hallucinations were
making me want to kill myself. I ended up being
hospitalized for three months so that the doctors could
try to wean me off alcohol and the damage it was doing
to me.
Once I had the baby, I gave him up for adoption, (as I
wasn't able to care for him since I was too messed up),
and went right back to drinking for a couple more years.
At 24, I found myself pregnant again, and this time I
was determined to quit drinking and make a life for me
and the baby. I admit that I wasn't that healthy when I
got pregnant the second time because my meals
consisted of alcohol and smoking so I rarely had
anything to eat or drink besides alcohol.
I was able to quit drinking by the time I had my baby
girl and it was having her that made me want to change
my life around. She gave me a reason to stay sober, to
get healthy, and to make something of myself. I did
everything the doctor told me to do, I ate like a horse
during my pregnancy because I didn't want to have a
small baby, and I read every parenting book so I would
know what I had to do to take care of her.
It was a really hard road back to life and living, but it
was well worth the effort, the hard work, and the
nightmare that I made of my life when I was drinking. I
have been sober for 12 years now and although I still
have cravings, I realize that having one drink is not
going to be enough and a thousand won't satisfy me
either. So I have chosen to stay away from alcohol and
not even try a sip of anything because I am an alcoholic
and will be one for the rest of my life. I have fought a
hard battle and won but that doesn't mean that I am
able to pick up an alcoholic drink and be strong, it just
means that I now realize what I can and can't do, and I
live with it everyday.
If I learned anything from this experience, it is that
drinking is only a part time fix for anything that you
might be going through and doesn't get rid of problems
as easily as you think. It is only a temporary fix and can
result in a life where you are always in the bottle and
not able to see past the end of that bottle. If I could do
it all over again with the knowledge I have now, I would
have drank more sensibly and wouldn't have tried to
drown my problems using this self-destructive way. I
would rather have known all about the effects of alcohol
on a person's entire life than to have gone through the
shit I have. IT is NOT worth the effort to drink, whether
it's to fit in or to appear cool, the long-term is not worth
the short term fun. I suggest that if you are going to
drink, drink sensibly, and always have someone sober
driving for you. I happened to be a lucky person
because I never killed anyone while I was drinking and
driving. But if I had to tell teens or adults what was the
worst about drinking, I would have to say that it would
most definitely be: that no problems can be solved, no
life can be improved, and no happiness can be made by
using alcohol or abusing it. If you want true happiness,
love yourself, and respect the body you have because it
is the ONLY one you will get and you should treat it like
it's the most important thing in your life. Thank you.
Jean's Story
I tried to blame everyone and everything. Hello, my
name is Jean and I am a recovering alcoholic. I am one
of the fortunate alcoholics who has lived to tell my story.
But for the grace of God and the program of AA, I would
have died.
I started drinking at a very early age and was very
popular with my high school crowd as "the life of the
party". I could always out-drink everyone who I was
with. What started out as fun ended in living hell. My
drinking continued through high school and into
business college and then into the first law office in
which I worked.
At that time, my drinking was fairly well under control; I
was young, I had the stamina to get drunk every night
and work every day and the vicious cycle went on and
on. I really don't like "drunkalogs", so I will try to be
brief and say: I was married several times, held very
prestigious jobs, like working in various law firms, for a
state Senator, a Probate Judge, and the Lt.
Governor's office. I had a beautiful home and a husband
who I thought I loved at the time; and most of all, my
beautiful children.
Well, this husband didn't love me as much as I thought;
he did the right thing; he took my children, he booted
me out of my beautiful home, and he divorced me. I
STILL had not bottomed out. I could still out-drink
anyone around; and by then, of course the blackouts
had started.
Believe me, I tried to blame everyone and everything I
knew for my drinking; the death of my child, the ex-
husbands, etc. Everyone was responsible for my drinking
except me. The blackouts were, in a way, a blessing. I
don't want to remember some of those times.
Finally of course, the time came when I could no longer
work; I had to have my daily fix of alcohol every few
hours or so. My life was a total living hell. There were so
many days when all I could do was look out my window
to see if it was daylight or dark.
That, my friends, is something that no living human
being would ever want to go through. Of course,
eventually the time came when there was no money for
apartment rent, or for anything, except the few dollars I
kept back for my booze. Thank God for the final blackout
-- I came to in a room with a quarter on the dresser in
the room.
Thank God my family practiced "TOUGH LOVE". None of
my family would allow me in their homes; this was
bottom out time. I looked in the yellow pages of the
phone book and found the number for AA.
Within minutes, a lady and gentleman from AA were
there. Neither of them seemed shocked by the few
things I told them. I was so sure my story was unique
from anyone else's story. I was so sure I was unique.
Little did I know but I was simply an alcoholic, one who
was ready to do anything in the world to change my life.
These people took me in, carried me to my first AA
meeting, and lots of other people started working with
me and detoxing me. I have never been so sick,
mentally and physically. But I learned after that, that
even my worst day sober was better than my best day
drunk. The liquor had stopped working for me. There
was no more "high," or good feeling.
I would like to tell you that I stopped there, but after
one year of sobriety, I decided I possibly could still be a
social drinker. God, what a disaster. What I was always
told in the AA program was that this disease is so very
progressive, even when you are sober, and sure enough
I lived to find that out. After my first or second drink, I
went straight into a blackout. So my insane bout of
drinking had started all over again.
I am so grateful to my Higher Power and to those that
still believed in me, that I was one of the lucky ones
who "made it back". It was so hard to walk back into
that door of AA and start over and pick up a new chip.
But I did. To hell with false pride - I was ready to quit
drinking. Otherwise, I was doomed for an insane asylum
or death.
I am happy to tell you that I have just picked up my 17
year sobriety chip. Never could I have made it alone. I
have to have all of you, my brothers and sisters, to
remind me of who I am, and that is, Jean, a recovering
alcoholic who must take life one day at a time in order
to stay sober.
There have been many setbacks in my life, but thank
God I have not had to take a drink. Seems that this past
year has been my hardest; I broke my back, lost a
husband I truly loved, and had a complete nervous
breakdown. But I STILL DID NOT DRINK.
Every day is like a new day to me now; sometimes I feel
as if I don't quite know which direction I am going, but I
know as long as I stay sober, the direction will sooner or
later become clear. I have the privilege of being able to
do some work in a detox unit, and its such a great
feeling to share my experience, strength, and hope with
another suffering human being.
I hope, in doing so that somewhere down the line, I
may help just one person to find their way to the only
program in the world that has worked for me; the
program for the living, Alcoholics Anonymous. Thank
God for Bill W. and Dr. Bob, our co-founders. Whatever
would we have done had their paths not crossed.
I don't have everything in the world I want right now,
but I do have everything that I need, and it has been
proven to me by my Higher Power and the Steps and
Traditions of this program and all the great people in this
program, that this thing does work. There are many
things I would like to change in my life, but I feel if it is
meant for them to change, it will happen.
I do have my children back, with the exception of one
child who is out there, and is a practicing "addict". There
is nothing I can do for him, except pray. I have carried
him to many meetings with me, so he has been
exposed, and it is up to him as to whether he chooses to
live or die. It is that simple. There is no in between.
I want to end by telling each of you, those of you who I
don't know, that I love you. We share the same disease
and we know what we have to do in life. We have a
choice today. And isn't that wonderful? Some people
with diseases don't have a choice. I have been given the
gift of sobriety; I love life without alcohol; I enjoy so
much drinking my coffee on my back steps and watching
the birds in the morning; simple things that nobody else
would think is that important.
I find that I can make clear decisions, even though they
don't always have the outcome I would like. What more
can I say? I am a grateful alcoholic whose name is Jean
L. and every day is a new awakening, because I have
been given another chance; and I must not let alcohol
destroy my life.
That is the reason I have to stay active in this program
and always remind myself of who I am, where I have
been, and where I never want and don't have to go
again. Thank you for allowing me to share my story with
you.
"I Will Never Be That's" Story
Hi, I just wanted to share a few things with you all
about my life, where I came from, and where I am
today. I was born on July 24, 1956 at Hamilton AFB,
California. I was one of six children, five girls and one
boy...(Poor guy, huh?) We traveled quite a bit from base
to base, but eventually we ended up at Moody Air Force
Base in Valdosta, Georgia......the place that I call home
today. Throughout my life I witnessed abuse, alcoholism
in progress, and I just knew that I "would never be like
that!" My father is an alcoholic and my mother wasn't
strong enough to walk away. I learned how to comfort
my mother and I knew how high to jump when dad said
jump. But most of all, I knew how to hide my feelings,
my embarrassment, my guilt, my fear, and my pain from
all those who knew me. I was that "happy" person who
always had a smile on my face.....
I went through my school years knowing that I was not
really accepted by those that I thought were "really
cool" but I pretended that I was just as good, and that it
didn't really matter to me, and I just kept smiling......on
the outside! But deep inside, I wanted so badly to be
like everyone else....so sure of themselves and always
knowing the right thing to say or to do. I became
somewhat of a class clown; (sound familiar?) I realize
that we weren't all class clowns, but I think we all had
some way of being noticed. For me, I knew how to be
funny! At least I thought I was. Today I wonder if they
were laughing with me or at me. The great part is, I
really don't care today.
Moving a little further on, I knew as I was becoming an
adult that I was different from other people. I didn't
really understand why, but I knew that my life was just
not as wonderful as theirs seemed to be. I felt as though
I was worth the kind of life that I thought others had,
but somehow I just didn't feel like they did. After
graduating from high school, I got a phone call from a
basketball coach to inform me that Valdosta State
University (which was a college at the time) was forming
their first girl's basketball team the next year and asked
if I was interested in playing. (I played in high school.)
Oh yes, this would make me "somebody." I just knew it.
So, I started college, but really because of the fame that
playing ball would give me. I would be just like
everybody else then. I also started working as a
bartender at a really nice place in town, so I was
important to all those "social drinkers" (LOL) too. The
day before our very first VSC girls basketball game I tore
a ligament in my leg while doing wind sprints. Well,
there goes the fame!! I completed my first year of
college and then decided that I was making enough
money bartending and didn't need a career. I was still
very adamant about "not drinking," because again I was
never going to be like that. I would never be like my
father. I was a good bartender.....matter of fact my boss
told me he'd put me up against any bartender in the
country. I knew how to excel at anything that I did.
Then came the dreaded "relationship" era....I didn't
know much about that because I never dated in high
school. I was just a tall, skinny, basketball player who
spent my time after school riding my horse....did I
mention that I was a barrel racer? Sold my horse during
my "college basketball priority!" Anyway, my first
relationship was pretty good. He was a nice guy and he
loved me. Was going to marry me even! (smile) Well,
you know with every "first" relationship there comes a
"first" disagreement. I remember it so well....it was as
though I had no idea how to react....no idea whatsoever.
He sat in the bar that I was working at with "another
girl" and I thought that I was supposed to at least react.
I started thinking about how I should feel, and suddenly
my mind went to TV....you know the story....they fight,
they break up, someone gets drunk and throws the glass
across the room in anger.....That's it, that's what I'll do!
I fixed the most powerful drink (with a fruity flavor so I
could tolerate the taste), and then I went into the
"closed" kitchen and sat on a barstool and drank, and
drank, and drank.....Then it was time for the big
moment.....I stood up, threw the glass across the
kitchen to watch it shatter against the wall. Okay, now I
should "feel" something. Well, I don't recall it, but I
must have "felt" the floor because that's where my
boyfriend found me. Passed out in the kitchen on the
floor. Glad I missed that one! I could have hurt myself,
huh? It's funny, but right then I knew that I had to find
out how to do this thing called alcohol. That was my first
drug of choice. Over the years, many "abusive"
relationships (funny how we always seemed to find
someone just like dad) and three engagements, I knew
something just wasn't right. These guys "loved?" me, yet
they could abuse me, and I didn't really understand it,
but I was just like mom. Not strong enough to walk
away. I guess I just wasn't good enough for anything
more than that either. After I was "strong" enough to
leave the third man that I was engaged to, I became a
"single" person and was loving it. Did what "I" wanted
and when I wanted to. I was awoken about 4 a.m. one
morning by the hospital. A friend of mine was in an
accident and she requested that they call me. She was
one of my waitresses and had no family here. I had only
been to bed for about 2 hours at the time. Well, I ended
up being up all night long and all day and then had to
go to work. I was so very tired. One of the bartenders
that I worked with was on prescription diet pills and told
me to take one, that it would help. Well, I had never
done "drugs" and just as before, "I would never do
that," but she convinced me that it would not make me
feel as though I was "on" something, but would only
wake me up. "WOW" was I awake. I was so energetic
and very impressed. I knew how to do "alcohol" very
well, and now I needed to know how to do this. I ended
up staying up all night again, but this time it was
because of this "energy pill" and the next day I returned
to work "needing another one" in order to stay awake.
After about 3 days of this she told me "you can't do
this!" Oh, but I didn't, remember? You can't give me
something to keep me up and then just take them away!
I was actually "desperate" and this feeling was very new
to me. She refused to let me have anymore. This was
my very first (and only) experience with theft. I went
into the closet where our purses were and "took" some
of her pills. I only took half of one in order to be able to
sleep that night. I did sleep and was fine at work the
next night, but all I could think about were those pills
that were "now mine" sitting in my purse. I started
taking them just for that extra boost of energy. (Like I
needed it or something.) After they were gone, and
knowing that somewhere deep inside I just couldn't
"steal" hers again, I asked around for some speed.
Bought a bottle from someone with 800 RJS's for
$80.00.....What a bargain....only 10 cents a piece.
Hmmmmm....everyone was paying $1.00 for these
things. I can make some money here too. I began
"living" on these pills and although my mind said "go,
go, go," my body finally said "STOP!" I was fortunate to
have friends at my apartment at the time and the
paramedics were called to "revive" me. My first "second
chance" at life was given to me. But I didn't think about
it that way back then. All I knew then was that I would
have to find a "different" drug because this one was
killing me. So, off to search for something new.
I'll skip on past, but during the next few years I
continued to search for something to make me feel
important....one drug after the other, one sexual
encounter after the other, whatever it took to feel loved.
I didn't realize how much guilt I was building up inside
and that the day would come that I would "BE"
somebody that was worthy and I'd have to look back
upon all of this in order to come to terms with it. I
eventually met a man who was playing keyboards in a
band. He was gentle and kind and since singing was my
"dream" in life, we connected pretty easily. I started
singing with the band and loving life. The day he asked
me to marry him, I knew right then that I was going to
be okay.....this guy would never treat me like the others
and that was a good enough reason for me. We married
and soon had our first child. Things were real good. I
still drank a lot though. That part didn't change. After
my bartending job, I would go out to the club where he
played and would drink until he finished for the night.
But we were productive members of society.....(are we
laughing yet?) We did cocaine on special occasions (i.e.
birthday, anniversary, etc.), but that bottle was always
there at my fingertips when I wanted it. All of our
friends did a lot of cocaine, but we were different....only
on "special" occasions for us.
Eventually the place that I had bartended for 9 years
closed. The owner was just tired of it and wanted to
take a break. I went to work for another place, but
during that time a new company bought the building
and had plans of making a five star restaurant and
lounge out of it. Because I had run the lounge in that
building for so long, the new owners, after hearing
repeatedly "you need Jami here," came to the place that
I was working and offered me more money and "get
this," a cadillac company car......Man, a bartender with a
"company car?" They had been watching me work for a
few days and decided to give me an offer I couldn't
refuse. So, I hired my husband to put together a
different type of band to suit a five star lounge. Tuxedos,
upright bass, keyboard, drums, and trumpet. The right
type of look with the right type of music. It was going
well in the beginning, but eventually the prices for "5-
star" was just too much for our town, and suddenly the
doors were locked, the owners had disappeared, and I
was a few thousand dollars (in back pay) in the hole. By
this time we had 2 children, and we were both out of
work. That's when the real trouble started. A friend of
my husbands told him, "You're always coming to me for
cocaine for someone else, so why don't you just buy
some and sell it for profit until you both find jobs!" You
know, just something to put food on the table until we
both got back to work somewhere. Well folks, this was
the beginning of the end (or was it possibly my "true"
beginning at life??) Suddenly this drug that we only did
on special occasions was sitting in our home 24 hours a
day . I won't go into the next 18 months, but I will say
that I couldn't make it through the day without it, would
find it no matter where my husband hid it, and was
destroying myself little by little, day by day. The ending
came when I found a massive amount that he had
"misplaced" about a year earlier, and I was in heaven.
No more searching, hiding video cameras to see where
he hides it, etc. I had my own "stash" now. But I was
going to do it productively, make it last a long
time....(LOL) I started it and didn't stop until it was
gone, and by all reasons I should have been gone
too.....AGAIN! I went through some pretty insane
experiences during those few days, and at one point I
fell to my knees, and for the first time in all the times
that I had said these words, this time I truly meant
them.....I held my arms up in the air and looked to the
heavens and cried "GOD PLEASE HELP ME!" I don't
remember how I got there, but I awoke in my bed to
find my husband and children had disappeared, and also
to find this beautiful woman who I had never seen
before standing in my room. My friends, this woman had
a glow about her that I will never forget as long as I
live. She came to my bedside, sat down and took my
hands and said to me, "I will help you if you let me!"
Soon after, I was in the emergency room to find that I
had made it.....one more time!
Now for the great part.....This "gorgeous" doctor, who
everyone around here knows about, was the doctor
treating me. He looked into my eyes....(OH MY GOD, I
WAS IN HEAVEN FOR SURE), and he said, "Do you want
help?" I said yes. Next thing I knew I was being
transported to a detox center. That darn doctor, I
thought "HE" was going to help me (smile). Little did I
know then, that what I had searched for all of my life,
the ability to face life on it's terms and to know God, and
to love myself, was heading right in my direction. My life
began on this day.......November 17, 1987. My first
meeting was actually an AA meeting and my first
sponsor was also AA. AA came into the detox center
where I was "visiting!" After detox, I found my children,
went and got them, and filed for divorce. Then I began
attending NA meetings, mainly because most of the
people that I knew in detox were going there, but also
because the counselor that I had, who became a
"special" part of my life was also going there....In 1988,
I started a second group of Narcotics Anonymous, called
the "Spirit of Recovery" group of Narcotics Anonymous,
because the other group was only meeting 3-4 nights a
week, and I needed more and so did many others.....I
found out that I was not a bad person, that I was
worthy of life, and that I could make it without the use
of drugs or alcohol in my life. I walked into the doors of
a room that I didn't know what was behind, and I found
a lot of love. I found people who didn't ask me, "Why do
you do that?" They all knew why and they loved me still.
All they cared about is what I wanted to do about my
problem and how could they help! How wonderful it was
to find out that I wasn't alone, wasn't judged, and
wasn't going to have to live without hope anymore. In
1990 I remarried and suddenly became the mother of
four instead of two......Took a lot of hard work, faith,
prayer, and courage to get past the new trials and
tribulations that faced both of us, but we made it
through. I am grateful today for those trials, because I
grow with each new learning, and sometimes painful,
experiences. On September 13, 1997, I became a
grandmother and I am just in "awe" of the miracles and
blessings that God has given to me. Today I can smile
again and I can share that with others. I still need all
those people in my life that taught me this way, and I
also need those that are just learning how we do it to
remind me that it's still "hell" out there, and because
recovery is a lifetime thing. One day at a time, "WE" can
make it........AND SO CAN YOU!!
Teena's Story (from an Al-Anon Viewpoint)
Hi..
I went to my first Al-anon meeting today.... I was really
scared, but when I got there, I relaxed. I keep learning
new things everyday and every minute. It's really cool!
I'm feeling so much better and happier.... I have been
working on learning not to be a "people pleaser" and
boy that's a tuffy! I did tell someone "no" when they
asked me to do a favor for them....and they said
"okay"...that was weird for me...I thought they would
yell or something...LOL
My husband has been great, and he has even noticed a
difference in me! I heard him talking on the phone today
to one of his friends and he told his friend that he was
"working on giving up the liquid diet" (as he calls it)...He
didn't know I was home. He has yet to go for help or a
meeting, and I haven't said anything to him about it
(and I don't intend to ) He hasn't had a beer in 3
days....He is irritable and has been eating everything in
the house. All I can do is pray for him!
Our roommate went on one of his little binges. He left
and has been gone for two days and no one knows
where he is. He does not drink, but he has a drug
problem. The phone has been ringing off the hook with
everyone looking for him, and instead of lying and
covering up for him I simply said that I did not know
where he was!
My husband must have been reading my Al-Anon stuff
because I heard him telling some of the roommates'
friends some quotes from Al-Anon...?
These last couple days have been really wonderful for
my whole family, I keep waiting for a bomb to go off...I
know it will happen....it's just a matter of time.
When it does, I know now that I can go to an Al-Anon
meeting....I feel that I've made some progress from the
way I was the other night....and I don't intend to go
back to the way I was...! I've got a lot to learn and a lot
of questions ... day to day.
Thanks to you all... : )
Teena